On the plane, writing my first blog post in over a year, instead of working as I should be. Why? Read.
I started reading this book the other day, “The Happiness Hypothesis” (HH), a book on how to strive for balance in your life. It was recommended. I know, you’re asking yourself, “WTF? I thought she only read bodice-rippers?” It’s true, when I am not reading romance novels; I read books on the other side of the spectrum – non-fiction. I prefer books on why religion is bad; books that provide another way to lose weight by reducing sugar and carbs, while going to the gym; or, books that help a driven, more than slightly ADD career woman navigate the split personality of her social and career lives.
Anyway, the opening chapters of the HH are focused on discussing early medical research on the brain. Whoa! A little different than learning all about Lizzy Bennett’s home life before she meets Darcy. This section also presented a number of both modern and ancient theories on how the brain has evolved, and why we are the way we are. Interesting. This is as far as I’ve read, maybe 3 chapters, but I’ve learned something: at this point in my life, I am a rogue elephant.
The HH asserts that the emotional self is a huge elephant, and is the rider is self-control and reason. Without a rider, the elephant just roams, survives. With a rider, the elephant has direction, rules, and constraints. They are dependent on one another. This is a relatively ancient theory, but HH crystallized the metaphor. HH believes that if you find a metaphor that will help guide your decision making, you need to grab on to it. Let’s just say, I’ve been intimate with this theory in the last 48 hours, it’s taken up permanent residence in frontal cortex, or whatever.
Right now, I don’t have a “rider”, I am rogue elephant.
Did you ever see those Discovery channel documentaries on teenage male elephants that went MIA from their herd? Without a parental figure, these elephants are extremely dangerous and wreak havoc in their environment. “Rogue” elephants usually roam alone or with one other teenage male elephant, and operate like 14 y/o boys with piss-poor parents.
You’re asking yourself: “In other Discovery channel documentaries, elephants are presented as an intelligent, highly-evolved species.” Forget that. The elephant represents my emotional self, not an actual elephant. Although, swim suit shopping under the glare of the Nordstrom fitting rooms in preparation for my trip to Kauai (YAY me), assured me that maybe I am closer to an actually elephant than I originally thought.
I may be enlightened by this theory, but I am still rogue. I am waiting for the point when the little man in the bright circus costume and tall hat, come at me with one of those electric prods to keep the elephant “under control” under the bright lights of circus tent. Heaven forbid the captive, barely domestic, elephant attacks the cheering crowd. Grrrr!
Anyway, the little man appeared on Tuesday and prodded me not to have dessert after three cups, okay four cups of Lee’s Asian (Chinese food), and half bottle of wine. I did it! I went to sleep without dessert. I always eat dessert. Always, and sometimes two desserts. If my elephant could just eat dessert for dinner, it would. My rider would tell me that it’s not worth it, but I am riderless.
You know what else my elephant does? It consumes. A lot. Expensive clothes, spectacular wine, good food, unique shoes, Open Heart Michael Kors watches, pedicures, manicures, massages and glycolic facial peels – out damned brown spots! It also travels to Hawaii twice in one year to laze about on the beach for days at a time. It’s the “champagne tastes” of my riderless elephant. My little circus man would call those bad decisions, put me in my cage, and lecture me about the importance of conservatism, and long-term financial planning. BORING! The little man prodded me to return a big chunk of what I called my “birthday” presents to myself. This will of course have to wait until I get back from 10-days in Hawaii, and have a chance to get all of the sand out my swimsuit. Sad, my new boots are so cute. Damn you little circus man, elephant charmer or whatever you are...
I mean, what if I die on my way to Hawaii? At least I’ll have a chance to enjoy all of my new things. HH says that a weak little rider, let alone a circus man, can barely reason with a big, strong elephant like me basking in the afterglow of money poorly spent.
It’s taken me years to cultivate my elephant, train her to make choices that provide instant gratification at the expense of long term happiness. Oh well, I guess that’s why my elephant decided to read this book. Ugh.
Wish me luck getting my rider on my back, allow her to break me of my rogue tendencies, and teach me self-control. It’s an uphill battle, that rider is going to need some serious upper-body strength; my emotional self has been rogue for years.
“Epiphanies can be life altering, but most fade in days or weeks. The rider can’t just decide to change and then order the elephant to go along with the program. Lasting change can come only by retraining the elephant, and that’s hard to do.”
6 comments:
I think especially in our 30s, when our elephant speeds up or slows down, however you want to look at it, we definitely need to retrain. It's so damn hard though!
Can I borrow this book when you get back? :) While I think I have a good rider, sometimes the elephant doesn't listen.
My brain doesn't quite understand the metaphors, but I wish you luck on this endeavor Erika. Watch Extreme Couponing (or something like that) to get some inspiration. Those people are on the other side of the money spending spectrum!
Hey Coco - I only have the book digitally, but I recommend it. You can get it pretty cheap used on Amazon.
The library has it really cheap! I could download a digital copy but I can't read a book on my computer. Shouldn't be too long of a wait, plus I already have another book to read that was recommended by Goop. We'll see if that helps!
Oh Erika, one thing you can do if you want to cut down on spending is to keep track of everything you spend! Just use a simple Excel spreadsheet and write the date, the amount spent and where at or what on (i.e. coffee and snack, or Anthropolgie). Trust me, after a week of doing this, you will see where you are wasting money on, and you'll try to spend less because you're tired of keeping track of it on the spreadsheet. Pretty soon spending less just becomes habitual.
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