There's No Crying in Baseball!!!

Something very special happened to me yesterday.

Very, very special. Can you feel my sarcasm?

As most of you know, I am struggling between the personal expectations of I have of myself and where I am in my career today…

Yesterday, I went into my boss’ office to discuss a deck I put together on her request with very little information to act on. It was a beautiful, well organized deck, and I just had questions to clarify her request. It WAS NOT in the template that she had provided, but it WAS like another deck that she told me to reference. The template was garbage, unorganized and completely incoherent. I chose the latter path. I was NOT RIGHT. I was very, very stupid to even ask. I left feeling like the world’s stupidest human, and cried at my desk – feeling horrible for even asking. There is NO CRYING in baseball!!!

Later in the day, I had a one-on-one with her, which is corporate speak for a meeting to discuss what I am working on, and just talk with her… I spent the day wrapping my head around why I responded the way I did. I was a little gun shy, as usual, going into the meeting. I kicked it off with… “I don’t feel like there are any opportunities for me to overachieve.”

She said something along the lines of… “Now is not a time to overachieve. I need you to operate within the constraints that the economy is requiring. I need you to focus on getting these small chunks out.”

I ended the day in a conference call with 3 other members of my team trying to figure out what our boss wanted, no one had any idea, and we stumbled through it… Landing on a template just as bad as the original. I took comfort in the low expectations, and that I wasn’t the only one… I don’t like it.

I crave progress. I must over achieve. I will not operate within boxes and low expectations.

In the spirit of sarcasm, I am so, so EXCITED to go to work today, tomorrow, and the day after!

How easy would it be for YOU to get motivated now??!?!?!?!?!

What do I do now? This isn’t the job I was hired for, or wanted. The economy sucks. I can learn a lot at AT&T. How do I overachieve within the constraints of mediocracy?

VIPs

Moo Delicious

Kept myself up until 2am this morning re-reading Whitney My Love for at least the 5th time. Every time I've read it, I've gone through the same roller coaster of emotions. For the first time in at least 15 years, I read it last night, and really was upset by the closing scene where he throws Whitney out of the house because he thinks she's three months preggers with another man's baby, when Clayton Westmoreland, her HUSBAND, took her viriginity... WHAT YOU SAY?!? Serious. Still the best book ever written, but now I am reading it with grown up filters, and I am a little upset... And disappointed in my inability see the book through slightly tinted glasses.

Woke up this morning, went to the park with my boys.

Jimmy with "wings" is my most favorite.

My boo, looking as handsome as always.

Went to Everett to see my Moo today, who is seriously the most beautiful child, in both her diva temperment and her sweet face. Spent some time at a public park in Everett, which is always fun people watching... Then watched my Moo POO into a training potty. Awesome. She is, of course, beyond brilliant at 14 months, and could not be attributed to Lana putting Moo on the potty, squatting and making painful pushing noises...

Moo does this silly thing where she "backs" herself into you or a chair and sits down.

Yes... You are seeing the picture correctly. Moo has attached herself to a scary, acrylic-haired, sweet smelling strawberry shortcake doll from 1984.

I am so tired... Thinking of starting Remember When... Don't know if I will make it...

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

My mom called me at 9:45 Sunday morning, and again at 10:30am. Even if my head hadn't been buried under blankets and pillows, I wouldn't have heard it. I was sleeping. When I called her back at 11:00am, shortly after waking up, she shared a conversation she had with my aunt Vicki about how she didn't even know if I was awake at 9:45. Was it normal for people in their early 30s to sleep until noon? Did her middle child still sleep like a teenager?

Yes, and I wasn't even "sleeping off" the night before. What's the threshold?

It was a telling, and somewhat appalling way to start off a weekend day...

So, the reason for my 11:oo am wake up was a group of us had "volunteered" for a farmers coalition event on Sunday called Food Lust. It was 7 hours of pure hell. A great event, a great location (Fall City Farms), a great cause, but a horrible volunteer experience. We treated like children who couldn't be trusted with the "adults". We were told that we couldn't drink, forced to eat whatever was left from behind a "curtain" from the volunteers table so we didn't distrupt the event, and taken to task by the "volunteer coordinator" over our inability to manage through their cluster-fuck of attendee/donation processing. Our volunteer coordinator who had talked down to us at the beginning of the event, and then disappeared into the throng of attendees. I had to physically remove myself from the situation on multiple occasions to sip from my coffee cup of wine hidden behind "the curtain", so that I didn't flip out and pull a "do you know who I am?!?!"

I am volunteer, someone who is helping you out. I am giving my time. I expect to be treated well. More importantly, I am also a potential donor.

The whole thing was exhausting. I am weak sauce, and no longer able to spend 7 hours on my feet like the spry girl I used to be. I needed to sleep for many, many hours. The best part of everyting was the FARM ANIMALS!!! Horses, cows, goats, chickens!!! It was a little disconcerting that they were grilling burgers right near Fred and Ethel below...

I spent the rest of Sunday reading romance novels, yes two. Taking the requisite post- This Duchess of Mine nap, going on an extended bike ride with the husband, AND OH MY GOD!!! I almost forgot!

I AM 99.99% sure I saw EDDIE VEDDER AT THE PARK!!! Asleep, all hot and dreamy on a bench with his faithful dog at his side. I was riding so fast on my bike that I couldn't slow down and gawk like I wanted to... It was probably better that way. He probably wouldn't be very comfortable with me staring at him, acting stupid and then passing out.

THIS IS WHO I SAW. No kididng.

All in all, tons of sleep, an EV sighting, a hard bike ride, two romance novels, and a short stint in my garden should qualify as a pretty good Sunday.


Sweet dreams. I know mine are.

Why I love my Jim...

Conversation from last night...

Jim: So I was thinking of watching a little double feature - Wall E and the Second Narnia, or whatever. You should watch them with me.

Me: Ahhh no, I have a date with Jillian this evening...

Jim: So, umm, yeah... When does the new Twilight come out again?

Me: Why? Do you want to watch it again, for the third time since it came out on DVD?

Jim: defensively... No! I was just wondering that's all.

Me: 11.20.09